First. November is not in my top 11 favorite months. The worst things that have ever happened in my normal little life tend to happen in November. Am I just paranoid? Nope. Every year when that one bad thing happens, I think "wait...what's today? November fucking 3rd [or 4th or 17th]. Of course it is."
A boy I met three years ago broke this tradition (for a while). Our first November dating, 2008, we had just come back from Rome where he had taken me for my birthday (October 26th, uncomfortably close enough to November that it is being tainted as years pass), and we went to Ireland on the 11th. It was amazing and nothing bad happened. Same for 2009. All's well. We were happy, and in love.
Events over the last year have caused him to grow to despise, yet still love, me. I guess. I had begun a growing process last January during which I only asked that he allow me to hang out with some friends and give me enough space to feel like an individual again. After all, I had been hopping from 2-year relationship to 2-year relationship for 6 years and needed a little me time. I didn't want to hurt him, or cheat, or do drugs, I only wanted space.
He has never forgotten it. He reminds me every time we fight how much "the break" had hurt him. "Well now" he says, "the tables have turned. I'm going to go out with whoever I want, whenever I want, and not tell you a thing. I want you to hurt like I hurt."
He does that already, I usually think to myself. The difference is that for him, there is a girl. I hate her. I found out (this November) that not only is she attracted to him, interested in him, and believes they should be together, but HE is admittedly attracted to her as well. "I dont see what the big deal is" he would say ewhen I get mad about them hanging out for hours together after he had hung up on me and turned off his phone, "you know I would never cheat on you; I never kissed her." Awesome, glad that's cleared up.... that is not reassuring to me.
I tried to deal with it. I trust him, so whatever, right? well, they text eachother night and day, when he thinks I'm not looking or when I'm gone...talk on the phone....they're taking a class together next semester.... (techniclly he asked me if I wanted to join too, like it would make me more comfortable, but I had a class at the same time already..that he knew about...) and it's African Drumming (?) hah. He would hate that. Wonder whose Idea that was.
Anyway, yesterday was the day that he was going to talk to her and tell her they couldn't talk anymore because he didn't want to lose me and their friendship was putting a strain on our relationship. I appreciated that so much. I really thought it was a good sign that he would do that for me, even if it took a month of me crying over it.
Yesterday came, and we fought. "I don't believe in this--hurting someone like this" he said. He was hurting me. "You are not going to forbid me to hang out with people and face it, we're both going to be friends with people we're attracted to." Huh? ok...well you didn't have to ask her out to dinner on my birthday... or watch a movie on your bed in the dark...or have that conversation about how you both looked sexy and it was a good thing you weren't together (yes, I gained this information immorally, but his phone was right there...and she was texting it over and over...anyway) "what does it matter what meal it is? and movies and better in the dark with anyone, and that conversation was a mistake."
Is he the slimeball or am I obsessed? Where's the line between healthy relationship and inappropriate?
I and my friends feel it's inappropriate, but he and his friends think I'm being "obnoxious." Then again, his friends are the ones that wanted to get him laid at that party (in November) and egged him on to grind with another girl.
He never lied when I met him, but maybe I'm so scared now because he did lie about dancing with that girl. I had to hear it from a friend who was there and saw him "put his hands all over a girl."
Maybe he's not the man I thought I was with. Maybe I just need to grow up and accept it.
What's normal?
